Things that made me smile today...

You have to love this, there's just no other choice.

Barack the vote America!

Next up, remembering how much I loved 'My December.' Clive Davis is a jackass. And angry music is better than any music I know, that way I can be bitter vicariously through someone else.

Yes, I'll admit it...I love Kelly Clarkson. Okay, glad I got that out of my system. We won't mention it again.

Ah, another great story about the classy side of Miami. It must be the humidity. Actually, apparently it must be the marijuana...

"Anyone who grew up in the suburbs knows that the mall parking lot is the perfect place to meet your dealer and pick up a dime bag (maybe we're revealing too much). But you never think that the weed may actually be coming from the mall.

Things are a bit different in Miami, though, now that cops have discovered a hydroponic marijuana nursery hidden in a Mall of the Americas' storeroom. By tapping into the building's power supply, growers were able to hook up enough grow lights to cultivate over 200 budding plants. Authorities say the crude wiring could have caused a fire, but they haven't made any arrests and aren't revealing how they discovered the doobage.

"That's bad. I don't want my kids around that. Bro, that's a first," said eloquent shopper Fonsy Martinez. We're with you, Fonz.

While police are presumably investigating mall employees and maintenance workers, we've got our eye on the owner of the food court Chick-fil-A. He clearly reaps the benefits when there's a mall-wide outbreak of the munchies."

Thank you, Miami. Thank you for continuing to make me smile...in shame.


I don't even really drink Coca-Cola without rum or Johnny Walker, but it still makes me happy. Just thinking about those polar bears, come on, when I was a kid I wanted to move the arctic (my mom said no). Although my sister is always careful to remind me that "they originally made it with cocaine, that's why it's called Coke." I know, I know...they definitely should have stuck with the first recipe. At any rate, go design your own bottle at http://www.coca-cola.com/.

Phoenix

That's mine. Good times.

Amazing what a flat iron and orthodontics can do. Chelsea Clinton, I know I'm a little late, but congratulations on making it through puberty, becoming quasi-hot, and getting some hot European ass. I commend you, as well as Bill Clinton's genepool.



Last but not least, although the thought of actually consuming these (without being on drugs) makes me physically ill, I can't help but appreciate the idea.

The Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger

Served exclusively at the Google NYC cafeteria.

Burger King's The Burger

Only sold in one West London restaurant, this $400 burger is made of Wagyu beef, white truffles, Pata Negra ham slices, Cristal onion straws, Modena balsamic vinegar, pink Himalayan rock salt, organic white wine and shallot infused mayonnaise and served on an Iranian saffron and white truffle dusted bun.



And, goodnight.

Lions, Tigers and Roosters, Oh My!

I don't know how or why, but somehow these are running wild in downtown Miami:

 No, not miniature cowboys.  Roosters!  And okay, not giant roosters, but roosters nonetheless.  I pass them everyday as they're crossing the road like ducks near a pond with their little ducklings.  Only we aren't near a pond, or a barn, or anything of the sort.  It is the middle of high traffic streets chock full of city busses and skyscrapers.  I personally find it absurd, but what else is Miami for?  I'm sure sooner or later the ASPCA will start hauling them off to animal shelters for adoption.

Help control the pet population, please have your chickens spayed or neutered.

So, as some beautification project the city put up all of these decorative rooster statues in Little Havana, aka not a place that will respond well to beautification.  Needless to say, soon enough all of the statuesque roosters were vandalized and otherwise effed up in general.  Pictured above is one of the few still in tact.  The authorities have cited that "Some say the roosters were targeted by drug dealers who thought the birds were secret agents of the police."

Brilliant!  Next in breaking news, Squirrels: obsessive compulsive rodents, or government informants?  You be the judge, those aren't just nuts they're hiding!

As always, Miami never ceases to amaze.