Workout: Pho freaking Pah

As an avid gym-goer there are quite a few pet peeves I have, including but not limited to:

1) People who grunt...loudly, while lifting weights

2) People who give themselves motivational speeches on the treadmill (i.e. "come on! 2 more laps! let's go! you can do it!") outloud

3) People who talk on their cell phones while working out. Really, are you wasting your time or mine?

4) In general, people that spark conversations. I don't know you, this isn't speed dating, and clearly I have heavy weights in my hands and/or am running. Can this wait until Happy Hour?

5) I'm hesitant about this one because I am admittedly a heavy sweater, but seriously, bring a towel, they aren't paying me to wipe up after you.

Those being said, my absolute #1 loathe at the gym is the Hoverer. Listen, just because you asked me how many sets I have left on the machine, that doesn't give you the right to preside over me like a referee. You are allowed to linger, but hovering is unnacceptable. For those who don't grasp the difference let me explain:

A HOVERER is distinguished by the fact that if you accidentally dropped a dumbell it would probably land on their foot. You can clearly see this person in the corner of your eye as you are exercising, and he/she actually appears to be watching you. In addition, their water bottles are placed within arms reach. Listen Hoverer, I understand you want to get in and get out like the rest of us, but really, take a step back. I can't work out with your stare burning a hole in my tank top.

A LINGERER is someone who politely asks you when you will be finished, and accordingly fills the time with chatting with a buddy or watching a TV. This person will acknowledge that they are waiting, but not become as intimidating as to invade your personal space. Lingerers, while I don't ask for you, I accept your intentions.

The Moral: Get out of my freaking way or I'll hit you with a medicine ball.

American Gladiators

I'd like to think I'm a lover not a fighter, but if I'm backed into a corner I'd probably fight dirty. Regardless, there are 3 people (ladies) who I honestly wouldn't mind kicking my ass. If you haven't seen the new American Gladiators yet, get on the freaking bandwagon.

Okay, so this show was always awesome, even in the 90's when they dressed like angry superheroes and had soft cotton ball names like Lace, Gemini and Malibu. Seriously, who is intimidated by Malibu? I don't know maybe he'll spray tan you to death or beat you with his surfboard.

I think the best memory of this guy Nitro (above) was that there was an episode of Ellen when she was on American Gladiators and they started dating. Even pre-coming out show...come on, that was absurd. Really, Ellen? Writers? Producers? Nitro? I wonder what happens to washed-up Gladiators anyway, they should have a reunion, or start a support group. At any rate, if the pre-millenium crew didn't do it for you, I'd tune in now solely for the newbies (i.e. refer to top). And as much as smaller, less green versions of the Hulk, aka the men, might impress some, I think the girls have it this time.

Coming soon: my quest for Gladiatordom (similar to that Russell Crowe movie, but cleaner, and without the lions...and the warriors...weapons...and cages...okay, I guess not like that movie at all.)