I Just Want a Place for My Toothpaste!

Fake drawers are the stupidest thing on this planet. Nothing pisses me off more than when I go to put something into a bathroom drawer only to find it's just a handle glued to a panel. I've been bamboozled by the fake drawer one too many times. What? The more drawers you appear to have, the better person you are? Will your houseguests be impressed by your amount of storage space? They come out of the john exclaiming "Wow, you have so many drawers," and you secretly laugh inside. Fooled 'em again, you say to yourself.

Or maybe builders across the country are cutting corners and then skipping town, hoping homeowners won't figure out the scam until they unpack their toiletries. By then they're in another city, swindling a new family in a new bathroom.

We shot monkeys into space! All I'm asking for is drawer that actually opens!



And while I'm at it, the next time I buy a nice pair of dress pants and discover fake pockets, I'm burning the store down. If I sit at a table with a bowl of fake fruit, I'm throwing an apple through a window. Anyone out there with a weave? Be wary, I might pull out your hair.

Excuse me, I'm off to pummel my bathroom sink with a crowbar.