Great Ad...what are we protesting again?

Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard met controversy just days before the opening ceremonies in China because of her naked PETA campaign poster. The gold medalists' anti-fur campaign poster was banned from inside the Athlete's Village, the unveiling canceled for "safety concerns." I'm not quite sure for whose safety they were concerned, but apparently in China naked=bad, communism=good. Violation of civil liberties is completely acceptable, but don't you dare tread into their country without bottoms on, especially if you are suggesting they not slaughter animals for fashion, sport, or something loaded with MSG.








PETA ads, always known for being provocative and literally eye-popping (I had to shove one of mine back in the socket a few times) have always demanded attention. I love animals, and completely understand the fight for animal rights, but I'm definitely not giving up Chicken Wing Wednesday at Flanagan's. Regardless of your carnivorous status, you have to at least pay a little homage to the beauty that is "I'd rather go naked than wear fur."

But somehow, I don't think this next one is getting the point across. Hmmm, let's display a naked woman as literally "a piece of meat." Great idea marketing department! And men everywhere collectively pick their tongues up off the floor.

You have to admit though, the slogans are just a little short of genius.

Could it be the genuine simplicity? Or the naked Hugo Boss models...

At any rate, China, get over yourself. PETA, keep making naked fashionable (though I'm not sure when it wasn't), and fighting for the cute, cuddly, defenseless and/or ferocious. I won't wear fur, or lipstick tested on baby seals, or ivory from dead elephant tusks. However, I'm not giving up filet mignon. Beggars can't be choosers, after all.

And thank you, Ms. Basinger, for this small side note to whoever stole my favorite jacket from the club last year. Listen up, jacket thief: "Someone Else's Coat" means humans too. When you're ready, I'd like it back, much appreciated.

A Poetic Rant for a Change...

The natural inclination after a long, stressful day (especially one involving lack of sleep, hostile confrontation and/or menstruation) is to uncork one of these:


Today, however, I decided to take the high road, go for a long walk, and then get drunk on words (which, essentially is not nearly as fun, but causes me to behave). So, in a welcome retreat from the usual, my poetic rant:


There is this disconnect between thoughts and actions, the wires get tangled, crossed or erode away in dusty crevices inside thick walls. Futile attempts leave sweaty brows and broken spirits beyond a barrier not easily surpassed. I stroll the sidewalks, side-stepping reason and rationale hidden between the cracks, dodging the dawn. Sunlight is not illumination, but the passage of time, slowly winding, rotating; a living creature drawing stolen breaths of life. We oblige the burglary of spirit, suffocating character with the exhalation of harsh words, noxious waste like the second-hand air. Slamming doors without latching the locks or turning keys, only fooling the night and its implications. Don't be daft and detrimental, blindly bandaging self-inflicted wounds, fingertips running across silent scars. We exist in the gray hues of black and white life, believing in dichotomy, imagining colors on the convex surface of the lens. The audience is subjective if aware at all, if present at least. But the show continues, curtain open wide, the monologues echoing acoustic. Try to repair the cables and leads, walking in the darkness until it stretches into day. Knock-knock-knock at the closed doors until there is an answer; sweet fluidity coursing through veins and into hearts. Listen, focus, dream reality in the gaps of doubt and uncertainty. Reconnect.


Re-enactment of me after my rant:

And for sh*ts and giggles, I came across The Cattleman Stress Test. Please observe the picture below and then continue reading for your stress diag-nonsense.

• Above is a photograph taken of two dolphins
• The dolphins appear to be nearly identical when viewed by stress-free individuals. The test is not sufficiently accurate to detect mild stress differentials, but is very accurate on individuals with higher stress-levels.
• Deviations in appearance between the 2 dolphins are indicators of potential stress-related problems and the deviations, if any, may also indicate the source of stress.
• If you experience significant deviations, you may want to consider taking things a little easier...

Dog Curbing leads to Depression.

Someone buy this guy a drink!

Depression affects all of us...if you have to, liquor up your pug.

Real Life Pet Sematary

Remember this?

Well, it's back...only there's a lot more science involved...you know, microscopes and such.

Today an American woman received five puppies that were cloned by a South Korean company from her late pitbull, who died of cancer in 2006. She is RNL Bio's first customer to what they claim is the world's first successful "commercial canine cloning service."

This just sounds morbid.

Cells were taken from the woman's dead pitbull (who's name was Booger...how...cute?). The Korean scientists then brought the dog's frozen cells to Seoul in March and nurtured them (whatever that means) before launching formal cloning work in late May, according to RNL Bio. The two surrogate mother's were both Korean mixed-breed dogs.

I know this must be a precious moment from her perspective, but I don't know what is creepier, the fact that they are commercially cloning housepets, the idea that animals have a soul, or the expression on this woman's face (notice puppy screaming with haunts of his past life):

"I know you! You know me, too!" She told the puppies. She said she was attached to her dog, Booger (again...great name) because he saved her life when she was severely attacked by a much larger dog. That's an admirable reason to be attached to a pet, but seriously, cloning him in hopes that his eternal soul is resurrected in not one puppy, but five?

Unfortunately it seems RNL Bio's inaugural customer is not alone in her belief. The company eventually plans to clone about 300 dogs per year and has reported that they are also interested in duplicating camels in the Middle East. Just what we need, an army of cloned camels! This is all sounding very Star Wars, if not a bit scary. You have to stop and wonder what's next. But for the time being, if you're looking for a newer, probably slightly-disturbed, post-mortem copy of Fluffy or Spot, start saving your pennies, because they charge up to $150,000 a pop. If you ask me (which I'm sure you didn't and won't), this is exactly how Cujo was born.

Extreme Teenage Rebellion

When I was a child and I didn't get what I wanted, I usually pouted and cried...sometimes I threw things. But apparently, in the computer age, extortion and murder-for-hire are much more appropriate.

A kid in China tried to extort $1,400 from his parents by "kidnapping" himself and demanding a ransom after they refused to buy him a Nintendo Wii. According to China Daily, the kid apparently hired two men to kidnap him, and was arrested after he withdrew his own $1,400 ransom from an ATM. What a criminal mastermind! And I thought Chinese kids were supposed to be smart??

Now, if you thought this Chinese kid was a genius, you won't believe the home-grown crime lord we have here in the US of A. After being grounded from playing his PlayStation 3 or watching TV for stealing and skipping school, a 16-year-old Maryland native hired a hitman to kill his parents. He stole $45 from his sister (which is clearly the going rate for having people killed) and after getting into a heated argument, he was kicked out of his house, but not before he threatened to have his family killed. Luckily, his mother tipped off the police, who sent out an undercover agent to pose as a hitman. The kid offered the agent his father's truck as payment (just to round out the $45) and was quoted as saying, "Two bullets is all it takes." He is now in custody and awaiting trial. Two bullets is all it takes? When did young America turn into a bad James Bond sequel??


Last I checked (which was this morning), actual recreation, natural daylight, and avoiding jail time were pretty important for kids. But it seems without video games, Generation Felony has nothing to live for. What's next? Secret Government espionage to recover an X Box? Maybe a little pre-pubescent racketeering, throw in some fraud, perhaps a count of grand larceny?

Oh well, there's no need to worry everyone, I'm sure that President Bush will save us...*rolls eyes*

The Sign We've Been Waiting For...

A plane flies in front of the sun over the Damyns Hall Aerodrome during a partial eclipse on August 1, 2008 in Essex, England.

Does this mean God is gay after all??

Okay, maybe He just really likes rainbows...you decide.

Saturday Afternoon Movies

Coming to America was on cable yesterday, and it made me wonder...

Why hasn't Eddie Murphy made a good funny movie (no, not Nutty Professor, I don't care what anyone says) since 1988? And where the hell is Arsenio Hall?

He went from Eddie Murphy Raw, to singing, then made Daddy Day Care. I'm sorry but that's like Micheal Jordan winning an NBA championship, going to play baseball, then returning to play basketball, only not very good. You heard it here, Eddie Murphy is the Michael Jordan of comedy.